6 Ways to Raise Your Child’s Self Esteem

If you’re a parent, you want the best for your children. You want them to be healthy and happy, and to have the best chances they can in life. And you know that a healthy sense of self-worth is going to make a big difference to the way they look after themselves, the way they feel, and even the way their identity develops. So how can you help your child develop a strong and healthy sense of self-esteem?

1. Show affection and warmth

Don’t just tell them that you love them, show them that you love them. Studies show that children whose parents are warm and affectionate are more likely to feel good about themselves. Enjoy hugs and cuddles with your child, and make it clear that you want to be with them. Ask them to join you if you’re running an errand or doing jobs around the house. Make it clear to them that you like to spend time together.

2. Listen to them

Young children sometimes talk a lot. Every parent knows how easy it is to relegate your child’s chatter to background noise. And sometimes that’s OK. Young children don’t always make a distinction between talking to themselves, talking to imaginary friends, and talking to parents. But they will often say things to you that seem important to them. If you ask questions or make a comment, they know you’ve heard. Being listened to is one of the most powerful promoters of self-esteem. And a child who is listened to when they are young may be more likely to confide in you when they’re older.

3. Ask them for help

Children spend a lot of time in an unequal power relationship with adults. Grown-ups tend to be bigger, stronger, and cleverer than children, so if a grown-up asks a child for help, it’s a big deal. Most young children will respond enthusiastically to being asked for assistance. “Can you help me make a cake?” is almost guaranteed a positive response, but you may be surprised how willing they will be to help you clean the cupboards or sweep the floor. And older children may genuinely be able to help you. Your teen knows more about your new iPhone than you will ever discover by yourself!

4. Praise in moderation

Praise them for their efforts as well as their accomplishments. Let them know that trying hard is important, even if it doesn’t lead to instant success. But don’t praise them too extravagantly. Research shows that children with low self-esteem actually get worse if they are given over-the-top praise. And telling a child that they are always wonderful can lead to a false sense of entitlement and an inability to cope with frustration.

5. Don’t compare them with others

Try not to compare them to others. Healthy competition among siblings and peers is important (and helps children to learn the important life lesson that they’re not the best at everything). But make it clear that you love them and value them for themselves, and not because they happen to be more athletic or more intellectual or better looking than someone else.

6. Spend time together

Most of all, give them your time. Doing an activity with a child will take longer than if you do it by yourself. It’s quicker to do household jobs without their help; it’s efficient to tune out their chatter; it takes less time to say “Well done” than to tell them what you particularly liked. But an investment of time in your child will pay dividends in their self-esteem.

Conclusion

If you’re a parent, you can help your child to grow up with a healthy sense of self-worth. This involves more than simply telling them that you love them or that you’re proud of them; it means spending time with them, showing them affection, letting them know that you’re listening and that you value their specific strengths and abilities. It means praising them when they deserve it (but not when they don’t) and encouraging them to grow up believing that they are skilled and important in their own right.